your thong is hanging out like whoa
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
