We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I deserve this hangover.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
