Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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