my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
soo... how was my night?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
