make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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