my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
