We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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