The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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