btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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