thus making me awesome and them whores
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
