And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
