So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
