dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
