we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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