he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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