Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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