careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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