He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
