She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
