dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
