dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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