Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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