he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
the liver wants what the liver wants
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
