from now on my penis is your penis
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
