Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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