Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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