so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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