i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
