I wish i was in the wii world.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Less talking, more tequila
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
