I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think my vagina is haunted
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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