I'm going to jail i love you
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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