i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
