why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
