the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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