dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
