my phone cant type all the emotion im having
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
