we have officially lost it.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
