first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
should my penis look like a turkey
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
