Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
