We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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