I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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