my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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