I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
