All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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