I'm so fucking centered right now
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
