so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
