I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
