I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I deserve this hangover.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
