I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
