shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
