So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize