I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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