she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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