I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize