You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
