dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize