a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
