My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
