I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
