Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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