you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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