I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
