I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Lo siento on account of my penis...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
