C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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