Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just puked most of my soul out..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
