just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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