From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize