is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
