the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
