You're my little dorito
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
