I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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