Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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